Just found this place, wanted to tell some stories

Just found this place from a link on the Dark Enlightenment subreddit.  I don't know what to call myself. An incel?  I mean I could go out and treat women like worthless garbage and have sex. I haven't touched a woman in a year now.  I would try. But I don't want to beat and degrade and cheat on girls just so I can have a "relationship".  Is this incel?  I am very lonely.

I've had a sexual relationship with five women in my life. I'm 35 years old now and divorced.  I'm divorced because I failed to properly beat and rape my wife up the ass while she screamed (dead serious). I also failed to constantly degrade her and treat her like shit.  So I'm a criminal now.

I lost my virginity at nineteen. To this girl E. I didn't know what girls liked back then. But lucky for me I'm really tall and good looking at 6' 2" and 190 pounds of muscle.  And highly intelligent. So sure I wanted a girlfriend, and many people would ask me, "flack jacket why don't you have a girlfriend?  Are you gay?"

I always just said of course I want a girlfriend. Who doesn't?  I love women very much.  Unfortunately.

I worked with this fat girl E. She was fat and so I wasn't interested in dating her. We worked together for a year and a half. I always ignored E and treated her like she was invisible. She tried to ask me out one day. The second girl who ever did that. I did kiss the first one but I mistakenly was nice to her, and not a heroin addict like the guy who took her virginity later that year, so she wasn't interested.

I turned E down. I mean I work hard in the gym and eat right. I wasn't going to settle for a fat girl. Then I just went right back to ignoring her. I didn't even listen to what she said. I just pretended like she didn't exist and wondered why a non fat girl didn't want to date me.

This made her neurotic and made her vagina activate. I guess. So she lost a bunch of weight. She turned bulimic but I didn't know that back then. I found out later. This also caused her to stalk me with her friends. For six months. Something I also found out later, after I moved in with her.

The day I went to quit that job she asked me out again. She looked amazing at this point and was bragging about fitting in to size 0 pants.  Only her tits were still big. So I said yes and suddenly I had a girlfriend.  Oh and guess what guys!  She was even a "virgin".  A month later she was giving me my first blowjob on my bed. She sure knew what are was doing at age 19.

Then we moved in together. And hey I wasn't ignoring her anymore. Instead we would talk and talk and make plans for the future together.  We even got a cat. Orange guy named Tiger who would suckle on her hair. I made many fatal mistakes and treated her really well. I was making good money at the time, $18 an hour, doing outbound collections. Today this job would pay maybe $10 an hour. Despite the fact that eggs, milk, and ground beef have gone up in price 500% from when I was nineteen.  So I furnished our apartment.

Three months living together and the sex stopped. Always an excuse. She never said, " you're nice to me so I don't like you anymore".  It was, "I have a headache" or "I'm tired".  A few months after this I noticed some odd behavior and snooped through her purse. She has all these receipts from money she was hiding and its all for two things. Two drinks. Two meals. Two movie tickets.

She came up with the most fantastical stories to explain all of this. I didn't believe her and a few days later I called out from work and showed up at home in the middle of my shift. She was in bed getting fucked by some old Mexican dude who didn't even speak English. I stayed friends with her for a year and watched this "successful" relationship.  I mean way more successful then the pathetic shit I had.

He was a 45 year old alcoholic, married with four kids, Mexican who barely spoke English and beat her.  He worked as a line cook at her work for minimum wage.  And his wife had control of all his money so E paid for everything.  She would call me for sympathy for her bruises and once a black eye from his drunken beatings, and then go back and suck his dick, and get beaten again. One day, Christmas morning, she calls me crying because this thug loser is in jail and she crashed her car trying to smoke weed while she was driving. Sobbing and wanting me to fix this for her like she was my girlfriend.  I realized that I didn't want to talk to this dumb cunt and told her to never call me again and hung up.

When I was 28 she died.

She was calling me that year but this was right when I had met my future ex wife. So I wasn't interested in her.  She didn't tell me she had cancer and I didn't find out until after she died. Instead she told me this fanciful pack of lies about being married and having two little boys. The truth?  She was a bitter old used up slut with two dogs she called her kids.

After she died her sister contacted me over Facebook and let me know. Told me at the end that E talked about me often.  I attended her funeral and it was strange. I wasn't even thirty and the girl I lost my virginity to was dead.

Later I looked up her Facebook page. She spent her last six months posting pictures of her dogs in between ranting about how horrible men are. How abusive we are. And there were posts about me. She hated me and had all these completely delusional stories about how awful I was.

I only wish. If only I was a married adulterer, 26 years older then her, and an alcoholic woman beater with no money and a shit job. Then she would have stayed with me and not died alone. If only I had beat her she would have been happy to suck my dick and pay for everything.

I have four more stories. The fifth girl I was with I had found the red pill forums and oh did I treat her like shit. I raped her at work once and she loved me for it.  I tied her down and fucked her up the ass while she cried. And she wanted to marry me. Though I was quite psychotic at the time. As I had just found out that I'm now a criminal slave because I got married and became a father.  And then I wasn't ok when I found out my wife was fucking several dudes who treated her like a rotting pile of dog shit to be pissed on.  Literally pissed on.

If only I had known that I needed to beat and rape my wife, and develop a drug problem and cheat on her. I'd still be married and get to see my poor abused son.

Next story is about M.  The hottest girl who I've had sexual relations with. Even though we never had sex. I was really excited to meet her and had dreams of being in a relationship with her. She knew I wasn't the kind of guy who would cheat on her and degrade her. So she lost interest.

Story to come.

Of course Western women are trash.  But are Western men any better?

I quite like your posts on Biblical Judaism. I've found having a moral code is essential and not neglecting my soul.  Despite being raised as a secular liberal atheist trained to ridicule those who follow such things.  When I finally found my soul it was pretty withered, wasted, full of bullet holes covered in band aids.  Entirely neglected. At one point in my deepest darkness I found God and then went and got myself baptized.  And this darkness was deep.  When I realized that I can do anything. I can do whatever I want...

I don't think we are supposed to realize that in a civilization.

Having a real moral code to follow can be pretty intense. But it makes you think and helps you draw a line. Going to church I met many people in my neighborhood. I just withdrew from them quickly when I found that they were blue pill ghosts just doing what the church, interpreted entirely through the TV,  told them to do.  They were miserable.  And I watched them react violently when I exposed the lies in their lives.

I'll post more later. Long day I'm tired.

I'd like to hear more stories.

I'm just going to start using these girls real names cause it's easier for me.

So I had broken up with Eileen so she could get fucked by a 45 year married alcoholic woman beater with an IQ of 85.

I was pretty depressed and withdrew into the internet and my old passion.  Which was philosophy as that was my major.  I joined a philosophy forum and discussed determinism and free will, mostly.  I met someone, a highly intelligent 23 year old girl named Molly on this forum.  I did not even know she was a girl due to internet.  Just that she was writing a thesis on free will and so we spoke about it in great depth.  For six months.  After a few months I found out she was a girl.

I did not know what she looked like and I never asked.  What I did ask is if she wanted to meet in person.  Back then I still had these sick delusions of love and being in a real relationship with an intelligent attractive girl.  She agreed.  She lived 600 miles from me, so not really that bad.  Only two states away.  I made plans and drove out there.  We agreed to meet and she said I could stay in her apartment on her couch.

I met her in a coffee shop and oh my God she was absolutely unbelievably gorgeous.  I still have pictures of her here and trust me.  The best looking girl I've ever touched.  5' 2", stick thin, with long black hair, a big nose, bright green eyes, and the only makeup she wore was red lipstick.  Which she would re-apply frequently during the day.  She had made several fun plans for us for those two weeks.

The first night I went back to her apartment with her.  Thinking I would sleep on her couch.  She had a studio apartment and her couch was a futon where she slept.  That night she wanted to "explore" mutual masturbation.  I had never done this before so I tried that out with her.  Little did I know that mutual masturbation is all I would ever have with these girls.  Even when I was masturbating with their bodies.  My idea of sex was already obsolete.

We spoke about our past girlfriends.  I told her about Eileen.  That was it for me.  I shouldn't have done that.  Now I know.  I should have lied to her and told her about all the one night stands I had.  And invented make believe stories.  Because after she found out that I had felt "love" for this girl, and that I had felt pain at how things ended, she was no longer really attracted to me.  Despite my height, level of fitness, and genetically gifted good looks.

She told me about her only "boyfriend"....  I wanted to puke honestly.  This was her only "boyfriend"...

Her boyfriend was the symphony conductor at the university she got her bachelor's degree at.  Oh I know his name.  I looked him up after I got back home.  I still remember his name.  She told me that every Friday she would meet him in his office at 6pm and get fucked by him.  She told me she started being his "girlfriend" when she was 18.  He was nearly 50.  Oh and married.  A pudgy looking balding short guy.

I really had no idea what to think.  I didn't know that's what girls were like.  Now I know.

The next day we went hiking to a waterfall.  I still have pictures of that as well.  Though most of my memories I simply do not like.  But at the time I thought I would want to have memories.

And the next day we went to lunch at her favorite cafe.  I remember she ordered french onion soup and recommended it so I ordered it as well.  She explained to me how she liked to eat it and we were people watching in this cafe.  She lived in a fairly small town and she seemed to recognize these regular patrons.  So she would tell me about things she's seen them do.  One couple, a guy maybe ten years older then me with a girl, she seemed to know quite a bit about.

She explained that to me as he was a guy that she sometimes "hooked up" with.  I decided that I would sleep in a motel after that as I found her approach to sex and relationships to be completely at odds with everything I had been taught growing up and this shit just was not able to penetrate into my skull.  That took another ten years.

The next day we hung out with one of her friends.  A black girl, also quite attractive and intelligent, and we went to dinner together.  She was already drunk and ordering more drinks.  Laughing and reminiscing.  She seemed quite jealous of me being there with Molly.  And made a point to casually touch my arm and rub up against me.  I didn't really get it.  I didn't drink myself back then so I was sober and was the designated driver.  I was mostly just uncomfortable but doing my best to have a new experience.

This other girl, after a few more drinks, started cracking jokes about Molly's nickname in college.  The blowjob queen.  I shit you not.  And asking me what I thought of her blowjob skills cause she had practiced with every guy at school.  The black friend got even more touchy feely just rubbing herself against me at that point while Molly sat there not saying a word.  She at least had enough intelligence to realize she should fake some embarrassment.

The day after that I just decided to go home.  What was the point of me being there?  I did not have sex with this girl just laid in bed naked with her rubbing her clit while she jacked me off.  Mutual masturbation.

And frankly she disgusted me.

I didn't even tell her I was leaving.  I called her after I was on my way and told her I was going home and hung up.

We continued to talk online for a few more months.  Me asking her dumb ass questions like a normal person would.  "What about love?" etc...  Talking more about her sexual experiences.  What was I going to talk about there?  Eileen and her old married abusive drunk she was cheating on me with?

That was it.  Oh and her.  Having a really good looking extremely intelligent pathetic example of modern woman rubbing my dick for me.

Was she ever so proud of being that symphony conductors "girlfriend".  I mean that's a real relationship if I ever heard of one.  Being an 18 year girl fresh in college and getting fucked every Friday night in his office.  Married and nearly 50 years old.  She knew nothing about him.  They did not speak.  She didn't even know he was married!!!!!  I looked him up online.  She said, oh I remember this, when I told her and sent her the fucking link to this guys biography page, "it doesn't matter".

Yet still I did not learn.

Next story is about Jennifer.  The feminist single mother I went out with for three years.

Don't worry though guys.  By that point I was starting to have this creeping realization that maybe girls aren't what everyone told me they were.

Oh yeah and she told me that she was "raped" and that's how she had her daughter.  Autumn.

Don't date single mothers.  If you're not a defective person you will start to love their children.  I would have ended things with Jennifer much earlier then I did except by that point I wasn't ending my relationship with Jennifer.  I was ending my relationship with her daughter.

I just went and looked up Molly's old "boyfriend"...  He's 63 right now and now teaching at a university in Chicago.  Oh and Molly?  She got married earlier this year.  We are still facebook friends.  She got married to some guy my age from a very wealthy family.

The lucky guy!  He gets to pay off all her student loans.

Oh and Molly?  She has a PhD and is a philosophy professor now.  Due to her advanced age I really doubt she will ever have any kids.

The thing, fschmidt, about lowering the number of men who are cads is that it just doesn't matter.  Not so long as women are still allowed to be feral.  If you have 1000 women and 1000 men, and 100 of those men are cads, those 100 men will still fuck all 1000 of those women.  If you go after men the way our churches have been doing for 100 years while holding this belief that women are all just innocent victims maybe you can lower the number of cads.

Maybe you'll cut the number of cads in half.  So now you'll only have 50 cads and not 100.  But guess what?  Those 50 cads will still have sex with ALL 1000 of those women.  Even if you cut it in half again those 25 cads will still have sex with all 1000 women.

So you aren't actually helping anything.

But if you convince half of those women to get married and enforce their marriage?  And punish them with severe scolding when they break that vow?  Then you have prevented 500 women from having sex with the cads

I joined a church last year when I found God during a severe psychotic breakdown resulting from how I have been treated by this hateful society for becoming a husband and a father.  I see what happens in my church and I spend almost all my time trying to convince these idiot mangina faggots at church that a woman following her vagina, oops I mean following her "heart", is in no way moral.  A woman's "heart" is not a detector of morality.

The churchs have become fertility cults.  They believe that women's "hearts", as gifted to them by God, must be followed.  We must support women's "hearts".  So we never hold these women accountable for anything.  That's the problem I see.  Women are free to do anything they want EXCEPT make a lifelong enforceable vow of monogamy.  Women are not allowed to do that.  Even the ones who want to.

After meeting Molly in person and finding out what her life was really like and what she really thought about "love", that sick joke sold me by our degenerate feminist culture, I became increasingly depresssed.

I started seeing therapists but they were all completely useless.  Recommended I get myself on some pills so I will "feel" better.  Because my problem isn't that all the girls around are raging sluts getting fucked by exciting dark triad men.  No my problem is how I feel about it.  So let's take care of the real problem and drug me up.

I started smoking weed with my friends.  I got busted for minor possession and showed up to court in a full suit.  Court was a joke.  A room filled with maybe 150 men.  Most of them in their dirty work clothes and half of them mexicans.  I was the only person in a suit.  I did not have a lawyer I just went in to plead guilty as I was guilty.  The judge threw the book at me.  He spent ten minutes ranting at me about how awful I was and sentenced me to some drug rehab program and randomized drug testing.  That was fine, I would pass, as after I got busted I simply stopped smoking weed.  This was not a difficult thing to do.

I showed up to my drug rehab thing and this guy Dr. K did the intake.  I told him what happened and that I was smoking weed.  He didn't believe me.  He straight called me a liar several times.  I then found out that this judge had ordered me to an intensive twelve week in-patient program!  Dr. K told me that his program was for heroin and meth addicts.  For severe drug addicts.  Not for some young dumb kid who smoked some weed.  He simply did not believe that a judge would order me into this program.  He had me bring the judges orders to him.

I met him again a week later with the judges orders.  He read through them and just shook his head in disbelief.  He told me that he would write the judge a letter and tell the judge that he was going to personally put me into an custom individual treatment program.  The judge agreed.

This guy, Dr. K, was the head of the drug rehab program for a hospital group that extends over seven states.  He was not just some random psychiatrist.  This guy ran the entire fucking program and he did not do any individual treatment anymore.  He didn't even normally do the intakes for the intensive rehab program.  The woman who did them was sick when I met him.

But he started seeing me once a week for therapy.  And this fulfilled my treatment program as the judge agreed to it.

This guy was the only good therapist (out of ~20) I have ever seen.  He's the ONLY one who actually helped me.  At no point did we really even discuss smoking weed.  He just didn't care about that.  I remember what he asked me our first day of treatment.  He said to me, "flack_jacket, what do you want in your life?"  I told him I wanted a girlfriend that I could marry.  He told me that I needed to start meeting girls.  Lots of girls.  And he would give me homework.

My first homework assignment was to ask out one girl at school.  So I did.  I asked out this plain looking slightly chubby girl with curly hair.  She laughed in my face.  Still Dr. K was proud of me and encouraged me to ask out two girls the next week.  The first girl who said yes to me was this girl Billie.

Billie was even better looking then Molly.  Another thin short girl only with spiky punk hair bleached blonde.  We went to lunch at this cafe on campus where she ordered a salad and I ordered salmon.  She was 19.  She immediately wanted to talk about dating.  And she told me all about her high school boyfriend.  A 30 year old steroid using guy.  And she told me about how they would smuggle steroids over the mexican border in her vagina and him and his friends would stuff steroids up her vagina so they couldn't get caught.

I didn't ask another girl out in RL for ten years after that.  I didn't tell Dr. K either.  I just didn't want anything to do with these women.

But I had started using online dating.  Due to my good looks I had a pretty easy time of it and had no problem lining up two or three dates a week online.  I went out with so many girls...

One girl I eventually met, whose pictures were a very cute thin girl with red hair, seemed very interesting.  We got along great over e-mail and agreed to go bowling.  I went and picked her up.  I walked up to her door and knocked and she answered.  She looked great!  I said to her, "hey (name)!"

She looked at me with a blank look of utter confusion.

I said, "It's me, flack_jacket, I'm here to pick you up for bowling."

She said, "oh you want my sister."

And she goes back into the house.  And the sister appears.  A massively obese girl who was carrying a fucking bag of cookies and munching on them.  I had no idea what to do there.  She invited me inside so I went inside and she offered me some cookies.  I have always been obsessed about my diet, completely obsessed about it, so I really don't just snack on cookies.  I just said no.  I don't want any of your cookies you obese liar.  But hey, I'm a nice guy.  Unfortunately :(

So I just said no thanks.  And she disappeared for a moment and came back with three other bags of cookies!!!  She figured I must want to snack on a different kind.  I just sat there and said, "no I don't eat cookies like that."

My brain was in a sort of shock there and it was trying to reboot.  Like when a lawn mower stops and you sit there pulling on the cord over and over trying to get it started up again.  That's what this was like.  My brain just going, "ka-chung", and then silence as it just hadn't started working again.  We walked out to my car and she got in.  I got in.  And I just sat there.  She started talking faster and faster while I said nothing.  Just hearing that in my brain.  "Ka-chung".  Brain still just not functioning.  And she started talking faster and faster and just babbling nonsense.

And she started to bawl.  Cry and cry.  I remember she was saying, "it's still me flak_jacket!  It's still me!  I'm the same person you were e-mailing with!"

Then click, vrooom, my brain finally caught and started running again.  I looked at her and said, "oh it's still you?  A girl who has been lying to me for a month?"

And the babbling and sloppy tears continued while I just stared blankly at nothing.  I told her she needed to get out.  I never spoke to her again though she sent me a whole bunch of e-mails that I never read.

This was just one of the fifty or so girls I went out with during this time.  Just first date after first date all horrible.

I gave up on online dating.  Just gave up.  Then a few weeks after giving up I got a first message myself from a girl.  Pretty rare as a man to get a first message from a girl, unless the girl is fat and trying to reach out of her league.  This girl wasn't fat though.  She was actually really pretty.  Nineteen years old.  Jennifer.

We went to breakfast at Village Inn and I don't even remember it.  I don't remember any of it.  So many dates, so many girls, so many names and faces all just blended together.  What I do remember is that even though she drove herself after breakfast she ended up in my car and we ended up making out.  And making plans right then to meet again.

This relationship lasted three years.  She did not tell me she had a daughter until a two months later.  Her daughter, Autumn, was only a few months old!  And she had lost all the weight and was working out regularly.  She told me she went to a party when she was 18 and got drunk and someone raped her.  She said she didn't even know who.  And she got pregnant from that.

Oh how stupid I am.  To believe anything any woman ever says about rape.  I did all this research and read some books about how to help a poor rape "victim" process through it.  I actively did what I could to help her and even paid for her therapy!  I'm such a fucking retard.

After a year I wanted to know where our relationship was going.  So I started initiating long talks with her about her and her daughter and our future together  And what would happen if we got married.

She told me she was a feminist.  A term I was barely aware of at the time.  And she told me that as a feminist she would never take my last name.  Ok, I said, but what about your daughter?  What if I wanted to adopt her?  She told me she wouldn't let me adopt her and that her daughter would always keep her last name.  ok.... ok.... I kept thinking.  Ok.  So what are you going to bring?

She didn't have a job.  She never had a job.  She wanted to be a stay at home mother.  A stay at home mother where I pay for her and her child, that she would not let me adopt, they would not take my name and she would not look to me as the head of the household.  But she still wanted me to pay for everything.

I started fighting with her to get a job.  Telling her she needed to get a job.  That was it.  I needed to see her get and hold a job for a period of time.  I wasn't going to marry a feminist single mother and make all the money for her to spend while not even getting basic respect as a husband back.  Much less as some kind of pathetic cuck adoptee father thing.  She wouldn't even give me that.  Somehow even back then I knew that this was not a good deal for me.

She resisted.  Her horrible feminist mother always whispering in her ear that she just needs to make more demands on me.  She needs to demand even more from me.  I withdrew from the relationship.  Our relationship turned in to me calling her for our once a week date, on Wednesdays usually, when her parents would babysit her daughter.  I called it our Wendy's and fuck date.  Because that's all we ever did.  Pick her up, get food at Wendy's, watch a movie and fuck.  Then she goes home.

That was it.  I would try to talk to her about getting a job.  How is your job hunt going?  She would lie to me and make excuses.  I was starting to care less and less.

But several times a week I would go over and pick up her daughter and take her out.  I had grown very close to this little girl.  I was her father figure from age 6 months.  A few times a week I would take Autumn out to museums and playgrounds and we would play all kinds of things.  I loved her daughter so much more then I loved her.

A year into the relationship is when I wanted to know what our future was together.  That's when I found out what feminist meant.  That it meant these fucking feral cunts expected me to pay for everything and not even receive the basic minimum of respect due to a man.  Jennifer and her mother were actually confused, these stupid feral cunts were confused, that I wasn't just ecstatic to have the opportunity to pay for everything.

Another year passed.  This second year was one where I withdrew from my relationship with Jennifer and it turned into our weekly Wendy's and fuck date.  And I grew ever closer to Autumn.   I was pushing Jennifer hard into getting a job.  Rather then get a job she joined some bizarre "self-motivation" group, having her father pay thousands of dollars to attend these bizarre seminars that she refused to speak with me about.

On my birthday, on my fucking birthday, two years into this relationship she calls me crying telling me about how she's "sorry" and just so "sorry".  Why are you sorry?  WTF is going on?  She hung up.  I tried calling her but she didn't answer.  Later she called me again, her voice raspy and throat sounded raw, and told me the truth.

Here was the truth.  That I got to hear on my birthday.

Jennifer was not raped.  I mean she was only "raped" in the sense that girls are typically "raped" today.  When she was 18 she started to go out clubbing with her friends.  There she met one of those attractive PUAs.  A natural dark triad loser.  He was 35 years old and lived with his mother where he made money by selling drugs.  This poor poor guy just couldn't get a real job you see.  Because he already had three kids from three different women and if he got a regular job they could get child support from him.

But don't worry guys.  Jennifer told me all about how he had a picture of each of these kids in his wallet.  Thus proving that he "loved" them and was a "really good dad".  She said she fell in love with him.  And she became his "girlfriend".  Only he was still going out clubbing and picking up other girls constantly.  She started crying and told me about the threesomes she had with him.  In her very bed.  A bed I had fallen asleep in many times, with her right next to me.  But she "loved" him, she sobbed.

Her father started freaking out because he had raised a slut with his feminist wife.  He demanded she stop seeing him.  In response she threatened to run away with him.  So as a laughable compromise, and because this Winner (tm) was getting kicked out of his mom's house (she had found out he was selling drugs) he moved in with her.  He actually had lived with her in that very bed.

Only he just wasn't committing enough.  She wanted him to stop going to the club and picking up other girls.  And she sobbed, she "didn't like" having threesomes with him.

LOL this girl refused to even give me a blowjob.  Sex was awful with her.  It was like masturbating with her body.  He was getting threesomes and she would do anything for him.  For me?  LOL.  I got the magical offer of paying for everything.

So Jennifer made a decision.  She would deliberately get pregnant with this guy.  I mean sure he already had three kids from three different women.  And he didn't take care of any of them or even pay child support.  But he "loved" them, as evidenced by having little pictures of each of them in his wallet.  So she deliberately got pregnant.

And she told him.

And he left.

She went on for hours.  Sobbing.  Telling me about how alone she felt.  How terrified and how she became suicidal and how worried she is that she harmed her daughter during her pregnancy by not taking care of herself at all.  She told me about lying to her parents and hiding the pregnancy from them until she was 8 months in.  "Poor me!", she cried, "poor Jennifer nothing is ever my fault.  I'm just a girl!"

Her parents tried to get her to give Autumn up for adoption but she found strength, she said, through feminism.  Autumn didn't need to have a dad!  Don't you see?  The feminists told her that her daughter could be raised perfectly fine by a single mom.  And she told me that if Autumn was going to have her last name changed it would be to her real fathers last name.  But she was worried about doing that because she didn't want him coming back and bothering her for custody.  Which is why she also lied on the birth certificate and never went for child support.  She knew he wouldn't pay anyway.

But... but she told me she "loved" me.  Right?  And she was graciously going to allow me to pay for everything, pay to raise this other man's child, offer me no respect, and give me once a week duty "sex".  Which is not sex at all but simply she would allow me to masturbate with her body.

Wow what a lucky guy I am.

My brain disconnected from her at that point.  The relationship was done that day.  Over.  I spent the next year trying to disconnect my brain from her daughter Autumn.  Who knew my name, who was so excited every time she saw me, and Jennifer's parents would even help Autumn call me on the phone to talk to me in her little toddler speak.  Breaking that connection was not easy and took another year.

The next time I saw Jennifer in person, because I cancelled our date on my birthday, was at her house.  She showed me pictures of this "alpha" PUA player.  She had kept all the pictures she had of him and hidden them in her top dresser drawer under her panties.  They were there the whole time.  I looked at these pictures and remember thinking, 'I'm so much better looking then this guy...'

I asked her what did you like about him?  Steve.  His name was Steve.  The look in her eyes when she was looking at those pictures, right in front of me, two years in to our pathetic relationship...  She looked at pictures of him with more passion then she had ever looked at me.  She told me, "I dunno what was so amazing about him.  He just had style."

I met my future ex-wife during the last six months of this relationship with Jennifer.  Looking back at it you know why Janet, my ex-wife, liked me?  I get it now.  I can see it in my mind.  Janet liked me because Jennifer was attractive and because Janet was stealing me from Jennifer.

Janet was the worst.  A complete psychopath.  Lied to me from beginning to end.  She still lies to me today.  I don't know if she's just a complete liar or if she is simply severely delusional.  Janet is who taught me that the government has already married all the women.  Finally after Janet I started to see the truth.  There were just too many cracks built up.  Too many lies from women.

I'll see about writing that story later.  My pathetic marriage.  That lead to "my" poor son...  being raised by a delusional single mother and a constant tramp of PUAs flitting into and out of his life.  Abusing him sometimes.  I've had to call DCFS to try to protect him.  But the system is useless.  The system is not designed to support marriage.  It is not designed to protect children.

The system is designed for one thing and one thing only.  To encourage women to turn themselves into sluts fucking PUAs and dark triads without having to worry about running low on money.

I came to many of the conclusions as caamib did through my path.

The blame game is silly and pointless.  The only thing that matter is what works, what can make a culture work.  So let's start with 1000 men, of whom 100 are cads, and 1000 women.  So now you say "But if you convince half of those women to get married and enforce their marriage?"  Who is "you" exactly?  How can you convince women?  Women are not affected by logic.  And how can you enforce their marriage?

History provides an answer.  The answer is for a small group of men, say 100, to join together and form a priesthood based on a shared religion.  Then they enforce this on everyone else.  The 100 priests are unified by religion.  The 100 cads have no unity.  So the priests can beat the living shit out of the cads and stone them to death when necessary.  And they can enforce standards of behavior on both men and women.  Women will always act in their evolutionary self-interest, and a priesthood can structure society in such a way that it is in women's evolutionary self-interest to behave in a modest, civilized, chaste manner.

This is what Moses did with his Levites, and this is what we want to do in Biblic Judaism (soon to be renamed).  Join us at our Saturday night Skype Old Testament reading and you can see what we are about.

I will join you. I've certainly got to do something. I've already joined a church and have been trying to have some kind of real discussion with the men there. It's just not possible. The only one who is aware does what he can to get the younger kids married. But that's all he can think to do.

I'm rather more pessimistic.

And I have enjoyed having someone to discuss the scriptures with. Though my atheist liberal family will not cease denigrating religion to me and trying to shame me away from God and my baptismal covenants.  They simply do not understand.

Though I've nearly turned my own father. He is finding despair as he agrees with me more and more.

I will join you on Saturday.  I read through your page and your stuff on the scripturist and quite like it. And I have been thinking about what we can do as men to create a culture where children, and women, can thrive.

I'm kind of into writing out my little stories, even if I'm doing it quickly while at work and on my phone. So I'm going to finish that as well over the next few days.

Women will defend culture. They don't seem to think deeply about what the culture represents but they are the vanguards of culture. It is men who create the culture.

Women certainly are herd creatures. They move in a herd.  It must be up to us men to shepard our own flock.

Even if the best we can do is teach the future.

I've become a boy scout leader to try to teach these young boys. So so many of them without fathers and living drugged out lives of addiction and despair.  But you know what?  I don't know what to teach them. I can tell them what's wrong but I have nothing to teach them to move forward.

This is the new normal. I've met so many of these fucked up types over the years.